Happy Easter to my favorite reader! (Hint: that’s you.)
On this Easter Sunday, the day that Christians believe Jesus Christ rose from the dead, I thought I would bring something of my own back from the dead: my embarrassment. (Yes, I know that was a terrible joke and I’m sorry if I have offended anyone. If this part is still in here, my editor also read it and she didn’t make me take it out, so if I’m going to Hell she’s coming with me. We’ve reserved Jack and Jill suites. Happy Easter!)
How did this come up? Well, I had dinner with my best friend and his family the other day and when I got home that night, I laid in bed and worried about whether I had said or done anything embarrassing. I often fall asleep hoping I haven’t done something stupid or offensive. I’m told I worry too much, which I do, but I’m finding ways to get over it.
There are some “embarrassments” I just lock away and tell myself to let go until it does go away and I forget. Unfortunately, other things don’t disappear so easily.
The God Card
I think about my ex-boyfriend every time I go to the bathroom in the upstairs bathroom of my parent’s house. Why? Well. His mother gave me a really cool framed art print for Christmas during the year we were dating.
In a convenient series of me moving home from college, us breaking up, and my parents moving houses, the print was packed away to be forgotten. (Much like my favorite way to ignore embarrassment.) During the final unpacking process, my mom must have found it and hung it in the bathroom, much to my surprise. This really wouldn’t be a problem except for every time I think of him, I think of the God card one of my more cringe-worthy moments.
We were playing Cards Against Humanity with his family (may I say, I don’t recommend this?) and during a round, we were to answer the question: What have my parents been hiding from me all my life? I put down the “God” card, feeling confident that my atheist boyfriend would find it hilarious. My mistake was that it was his sister, a devout Catholic, that was to read the cards out loud to the table and judge them. *cringe*
So now we’ve come full circle. Every time I sit on the toilet, or brush my teeth, or wash my face, I think of my ex-boyfriend and the God card, the embarrassment that keeps on giving. It’s like an Easter egg hunt every time I go to the bathroom – except I know what the egg looks like, and I know where it is, and I know what is in it.
(The bathroom Easter egg is only marginally worse than the time my brother captured a spider in an actual Easter egg and handed it to me, claiming he couldn’t open it. I don’t think I’ve ever shrieked so loudly in my life.)
I hope you all have had a wonderful holiday weekend and spend it with friends, family, and loved ones. Learn from me and never play Cards Against Humanity with your significant other’s family, unless you’re really sure, be very cautious with the God card if you do play, and never trust an Easter egg handed to you by my brother.
Until next week,